Random | I Was Blindsided by ‘I/We got your back’

water lily

Last October 4, I got another blow on my professional life. I was once again laid off. The first one (check here) was in 2020 when the company I was then connected with was affected by pandemic; although if I would have to look back, it’s no surprise since our commercial team is not getting new clients anymore.

And it’s not so different this time around. I just joined the company last May but in June or July, the company announced that they’ll stop hiring to mitigate the possible effect of economic recession. In August, the leadership then announced refocusing of the efforts for some reasons. Sounds familiar eh?!

And then came the announcement of refocusing/restructuring in the organization. I was surprised but the announcement was not really unexpected considering the timeline of events I mentioned. I wasn’t in the office then (decided to WFH that day) but I can imagine the somberness, the sadness, the heavy feelings that everyone felt, even those that weren’t affected by the announcement.

The manager talked to each and every one of us who were affected. When it’s my turn, the manager didn't say much, only reiterated the message announced in the “all hands” meeting. It's more like I was the one handling the conversation. I faked strength that time, but inside me, I'm crying. I actually cried but I don’t know if they sensed it. After the meeting, I cried a bucket. Losing a job is really really hard. It’s hard because I have a family to support and obligations to fulfill. It’s hard because just a week before the announcement, I was told of my regularization only to be told a week after that I’m fired. What makes it more difficult is knowing that it wasn’t LIFO, that the manager chose who’s gonna stay and who’s gonna be fired, considering that the same manager recruited me personally. It felt like I was stabbed in the back. It felt like I was a worthless employee, that I wasn’t deserving of the position I have. That time I was thinking, where’s the “I/We got your back” mantra that they (all the leaderships) want to instill in the minds of their employees? How about radical transparency? Before the announcement, they always say the company is okay, nothing to worry about. Where’s radical transparency there? Are they all just lip service?

But I'm okay now, all that thoughts are slowly going away as days go by. And if I would have to look at what happened objectively and be honest with myself, I know that what the manager did was to do his job, to look after the company that pays him to do so. Whatever criteria he used to come up with the list of who are going and who are staying, I understand. They are probably better fit than we are who were let go, better fit to the company that I thought I would retire from. The company that despite what happened, I still want to see succeed and prosper, not because of the owners and remaining employees (don't get me wrong, all my teammates are nice, the camaraderie and friendship formed in those 5 months is awesome; and for that, I’d say ‘no regrets’. all things considered, it was an amazing 5 months) but for the company’s mission to come into reality. Because I believe in their mission and I know that their mission will have a great impact to humanity. So yeah, I hope the company overcomes whatever challenges they're facing.

Looking back now, two weeks after that dreaded day, I’m more calm, more at peace with what has happened. I've already moved on. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m unemployed, that I’m once again part of the  statistics, the 2.68M unemployed Filipinos.

My journey with those 19 awesome guys and gals (my teammates) has ended, that chapter of my life is over. It’s time for a new one, hopefully a chapter where there will be more  amazing people and wonderful journeys. I know it will still be hard so I have to be stronger. And I will be. Because I have an amazing God who will always be beside me. He always was, always is and always will be, beside me, whatever state or chapter I'm in. 


water lily


Be joyful in hope,
patient in affliction,
faithful in prayer.

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